From a conversation I was having, online.
I've been considering.
For the most part, I've been contemplating my needs. What do I need from life? I know I'm nearly 50, but I still haven't figured this out. After the con, I felt rather hollow. After work, yesterday, I felt unappreciated and pointless. I'm still not sure how much of that is anxiety/depression and how much is the back-pain I've been in.
Do I want a partner? I'm pretty sure I do: just so I can find someone with whom I can "share the load", as it were. But do I want to be married? I'm not certain.
What do I want to accomplish in my life? I've called myself a "wanna-be writer" for decades but, yet, I've done very little to actually get published. I really don't want to be known as a "Web Developer" or "advertiser".
That sort of stuff.
What do I really want?
I want to be happy. This means having friends: a solid circle of them, close-by, with others near and far. I want a home: spacious and easy-to-care-for with a decent lawn and garden. I want to not be stressed and so damn self-critical all the time. I want to be thin(ner). I want to be (relatively) fit. I want to travel and cook and enjoy cuisine/cultures not my own. I want to create games and referee them for people I care about. I want to share stories. I want to be acknowledged for these last few things. But I'm finally realizing that my attempts at throwing myself into tasks and groups isn't "me". Those sorts of things just make me stressed. I'm not so much a leader as a team-player-leader: I lead, with others, to create mutual projects.
So, what does that mean?
I don't know.